Something I read in my One Year Bible this morning has been weighing on me all day. The OT reading (NIV) was in 2 Kings 17, where in verse 15, Israel and Judah have rejected God's decrees and the covenant He made with their fathers. It goes on to say:
"They followed worthless idols and themselves became worthless."
They became worthless. Because they followed worthless idols, they became worthless.
I have felt worthless, and lately. I'm "only" a mom, I'm "only" at home, I'm "only" a wife, I "only" volunteer at church. I'm a corporate wife, so at events I often get The Look, and sometimes The Lip Service: "Oh, how wonderful! I wanted to be at home when my children were little, but I told Todd I simply could.not.handle being around nobody but the children every.single.day. And of course now I [have a really amazing, highly paid, fulfilling, uses-my-college-education job, and you don't]." (turns away) "Oh, Tinky! Did you catch that simply incredible conference in D.C. last week?" (and...scene!)
Conversation over, and I've shrunk two inches despite my carefully chosen heels.
And my homeschool friends: a medic training to be a firefighter; an accountant; former teachers who plan to return to the field; a scientist; a mathematician, a restaurant owner. They shuttle their children to several activities a week, write their own curricula, run five miles a day, eat a completely sugar-free and organic diet and grow their own non-genetically modified wheat for grinding and baking bread. They study Greek and Hebrew and Latin at night and their vacations consist of mission trips to build homes for the poor in Mexico.
Me? I'm a former sportswriter, a former editor, a former journalist, a former freelance writer, a former wage-earner. No, I don't plan to go back to work. No, I don't intend to write a novel. No, I don't want to teach someday. I make terrible biscuits and I yell at my children sometimes and I don't know how to iron a puffy sleeve on a little girl's dress. I mostly kill things instead of growing them, we eat Lucky Charms for dinner too often and I like to go to the beach twice a year, at least, and not because I want to build things for poor people.
But am I worthless? I don't think so. Not according to the Biblical definition from this morning. It may be God's will for others to have high-profile jobs and other important gifts, but my job is to be busy at home and love my husband and children. So no matter how I feel sometimes, I know that to strive to live within God's will for me is to avoid the lure of worthless idols that will make me worthless in God's eyes.
(And now I have to tend to one of my important jobs, a 12-year-old with an unexplained 102-degree fever. He doesn't think I'm worthless, either. And thanks to Rhonda for her post today, which set this one in motion.)
Monday, June 30, 2008
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