What exactly is worthless?

Something I read in my One Year Bible this morning has been weighing on me all day. The OT reading (NIV) was in 2 Kings 17, where in verse 15, Israel and Judah have rejected God's decrees and the covenant He made with their fathers. It goes on to say:

"They followed worthless idols and themselves became worthless."

They became worthless. Because they followed worthless idols, they became worthless.

I have felt worthless, and lately. I'm "only" a mom, I'm "only" at home, I'm "only" a wife, I "only" volunteer at church. I'm a corporate wife, so at events I often get The Look, and sometimes The Lip Service: "Oh, how wonderful! I wanted to be at home when my children were little, but I told Todd I simply could.not.handle being around nobody but the children every.single.day. And of course now I [have a really amazing, highly paid, fulfilling, uses-my-college-education job, and you don't]." (turns away) "Oh, Tinky! Did you catch that simply incredible conference in D.C. last week?" (and...scene!)

Conversation over, and I've shrunk two inches despite my carefully chosen heels.

And my homeschool friends: a medic training to be a firefighter; an accountant; former teachers who plan to return to the field; a scientist; a mathematician, a restaurant owner. They shuttle their children to several activities a week, write their own curricula, run five miles a day, eat a completely sugar-free and organic diet and grow their own non-genetically modified wheat for grinding and baking bread. They study Greek and Hebrew and Latin at night and their vacations consist of mission trips to build homes for the poor in Mexico.

Me? I'm a former sportswriter, a former editor, a former journalist, a former freelance writer, a former wage-earner. No, I don't plan to go back to work. No, I don't intend to write a novel. No, I don't want to teach someday. I make terrible biscuits and I yell at my children sometimes and I don't know how to iron a puffy sleeve on a little girl's dress. I mostly kill things instead of growing them, we eat Lucky Charms for dinner too often and I like to go to the beach twice a year, at least, and not because I want to build things for poor people.

But am I worthless? I don't think so. Not according to the Biblical definition from this morning. It may be God's will for others to have high-profile jobs and other important gifts, but my job is to be busy at home and love my husband and children. So no matter how I feel sometimes, I know that to strive to live within God's will for me is to avoid the lure of worthless idols that will make me worthless in God's eyes.

(And now I have to tend to one of my important jobs, a 12-year-old with an unexplained 102-degree fever. He doesn't think I'm worthless, either. And thanks to Rhonda for her post today, which set this one in motion.)

Weighing in on Wal-Mart

Time is a precious commodity around here, and to spend more of it with Geddy and The Hat Trick, I have to streamline. Money, a "needful and precious thing," doesn't go very far right now either. With The Hat Trick's food and environmental allergies under control, we can go back to buying basic ingredients for our meals, so we cheated on our regular spendy market and hit Wal-Mart over the weekend.

The very idea gave me the skeevies. I loathe crowds and huge stores, and Wal-Mart's bullyish corporate tactics bother me. But there's also an ingrained thrift gene that very much appreciates a purple dance leotard for $8 and Transformers pajamas for $6.50 and a glow-in-the-dark Yoda shirt for $7. The Crystal Light lemonade mix-ins I buy as a treat are 1/3 cheaper per box and we can afford a few more splurges like chocolate chips and Pringles for Fun Fridays when they're so reasonably priced. The new, environmentally friendly Purex laundry liquid is a steal, as are organic grapes and hormone and antibiotic-free chicken breasts. Surprisingly, the produce looked fresher than I've seen in pricier stores lately (and tastes great!).

After reading this article highlighting the difference between optimal and very good nutrition, I realized what an idol I've been making of our diet and shopping habits. I also tried to educate myself on what Wal-Mart is all about, and I came to the conclusion that I've bought into a lot of negative hype without doing my own research.

I just can't afford to be a snob any longer.

Meeting Cooter

Geddy and a co-worker drove to Atlanta last night to talk business with an old friend he'd never met before, Ben Jones -- Cooter from "The Dukes of Hazzard."

Mr. Jones has written a book called Redneck Boy in the Promised Land: The Confessions of "Crazy Cooter," and Geddy met him at a book signing. Way back when we had cable and/or DirecTV, our kiddos got hooked on reruns of the Dukes, and the boys frequently play a PS2 game featuring the the Dukes and their General Lee. Cooter is no stranger to them.

Imagine their delight (being genetically inclined rednecks) when their daddy brought home a copy of Mr. Jones' book with the following inscription: "To 'Larry,' 'Curly Sue' and 'Moe,' the Bo, Luke and Daisy of Carrollton. Ben Jones, aka 'Cooter.'"

Better still, Mr. Jones extracted a solid promise from G that he will let him meet the three of them when he comes down to work on his business with G's company.

He really is a good old boy!

I've been tagged!

My good friend Angela has sent the following instructions:

Answer the four questions, let the tagger know you've answered them, then tag four fellow bloggers. Let them know by leaving a comment on their blogs.

So, here goes.

10 years ago: I was hoping to become pregnant with child #2, working full-time evenings as design editor at a small daily newspaper and enjoying our new home. I was also laying the groundwork for being a full-time, homeschooling mama but I didn't know that yet.

5 things on my list today: Read Erle Stanley Gardner's "The Case of the Green-Eyed Sister." Laundry. Get my parents' mail and feed/water their animals. Buy eggs. Take littles for allergy shots.

Snacks I enjoy: Sharp cheese; Hickory Barbecue Wavy Lays dipped in Frank's Hot Sauce; Hershey bars. I can't have these any longer, so I'm learning to enjoy vanilla yogurt with raisins, popcorn and fruit instead.

Things I would do if I were a millionaire: Retire my husband. Completely stock the new library in my tiny hometown. Be one of those anonymous donors who meets immediate needs for folks who don't like to ask for help. Hire someone to clean my house.

Places I have lived: I've only ever lived in GA: East Point, Whitesburg, Athens, Carrollton, Luthersville and Newnan.

I now tag THREE people, 'cause I don't have that many blogging friends.
Misty, Our Homeschool Journey
Robin, MyPursuit Of...
Kelly, By Grace and Faith

P.S. to Angela and Rhonda: You caught me on a good day, LOL!

A good day for a do-over

Things went smoothly this morning. I got up on time, showered, got the children ready -- with G's help -- and dropped them off at Youth Police Academy. Got home, knocked out the rest of the church newsletter (which was actually due yesterday, and I loathe missing deadlines!) and sent it.

Only it didn't go. Even after my mom arrived for our big never-happens-anymore day out, it was still sitting there on the computer, not going. Two hours later, I had to deliver it by hand on a flash drive. Mama and I had about 15 minutes in one store before we needed to leave to meet Daddy for lunch.

And mercy, was lunch another story. We normally like Wendy's, but between today's slimy salads (yes, saladS -- more than one!) and cooled and congealed junior bacon cheeseburger, it'll be awhile before I have a taste for that place again.

Things took a better turn when we dropped by Fred's, but we scooted out of there quickly so we could get the van washed. Again, a good experience. We were finally almost to the store we really wanted to shop, with time to spare before we had to pick up the children from YPA, when I got a call on my cell.

"Hey, B, it's Glenn. Curly Sue is here at the waterpark and she's wanting to come home. She's sick."

I knew it. She seemed to be catching a little cold yesterday, and if she wanted to call from the waterpark to come home, she really is sick. And, as it turns out, feverish as well.

We picked up all three lambs, went by the police department to pick up their stuff, and came home...to about 30 gargantuan hornets buzzing around our front walkway and wall. The same wall on which I emptied two cans of hornet spray yesterday. (I don't use pesticides normally, but I considered six-inch stinging insects a definite health risk for my uber-allergic children.)

Not only do I need a do-over, I need a nap!

Odd weekend

It's good to have three children. All three voted for G's VW at the Saturday car show, so he won the Youth's Choice trophy. (It's good to have three children for lots of reasons, but most of them don't involve shiny trophies. I'm just sayin'.)

We got to meet Gladys, Grandaddy's lady friend, Saturday evening. She is perfectly nice and we liked her very much.

Our favorite pizza place still makes the best pizza ever, and Grandaddy and Gladys liked it too.

My Gram is home and doing great.

Geddy's VW won second place in its class at the Sunday car show. Another shiny trophy, and this once didn't have a thing to do with having three children.

George Carlin died. So sad.

I bought plants for the yard.

I sprayed the retaining wall to get rid of hornets, and now I can't plant the plants for at least 24 hours.

Two of my three children are at junior police academy today. The third was at a campout and didn't go to sleep until about 5 a.m., and he was too tired. He doesn't lose his place, though, so he'll go tomorrow.

And that's all I have to report. Have a nice day!

Want in one hand and spit in the other, and see which one gets full first

Susan Atkins, aka Sadie Mae Glutz, wants to spend the last half-year of her life outside prison walls.

The problem is that in 1969, Sadie Mae looked into the pleading eyes of an 8 1/2 months pregnant woman, mocked her and then cut her throat, killing her and the baby. She was a member of the Manson "family" and still is paying for her horrendous crime.

When California's death penalty was struck down in 1972, Sadie Mae got a get out of hell free card. She has been in prison since 1971 and currently is the longest-serving female inmate in California, according to CNN's story about her potential release.

But God had a purpose in her life. Sadie Mae found Jesus, and she has spent the rest of her life behind bars working with disadvantaged people. She married. She became, once again, Susan Atkins, and she left Sadie Mae behind. Now Susan is dying, and she wants to die breathing free air.

Which begs the question: How long is long enough?

I joke sometimes that stupid things I did in college shouldn't count against me in real life. Of course I never killed anyone, but there were times when I didn't take very good care of myself in one way or another. Suppose I had gotten into a situation over my head and I still was paying for it 40 years later?

Then again, what kind of worth can you place on someone's life?

Ben is dead because a woman made a mistake. The brief time she was on the wrong side of the road resulted in our being deprived of brother, son, uncle, nephew, grandson and friend. She is facing indictment for vehicular homicide. Imagining any of her responsibility for my brother's death as intentional is far beyond my comprehension, so I can't put myself in the place of Sharon Tate's family.

Geddy and I disagree on the subject of the Tate murders. He believes Charles Manson is "uf da debil" and should have been put to death and the women in the case set free years ago. Charles Manson may be manipulative and evil, but it's never been proved he personally killed anyone, so I've maintained they all should stay in jail.

How do you reconcile murderous Sadie Mae Glutz of 1969 with the dying Susan Atkins of 2008? Does her behind-bars relationship with Jesus Christ and her work with homeless and at-risk children demand some sort of compensation? Did the time she spent with victims of violent crime cancel out Sharon Tate's murder?

There's little question that a reformed, saved, married, dying amputee would, for the last six months of her life, be any threat to society. Even Sharon Tate's sister Debra is concerned about being thought "a heartless creature" for being opposed to an early release.

If the purpose of imprisonment is rehabilitation, it appears to have worked in this case. If the purpose is to deter, ditto. If the purpose is to punish...well, then I guess it's right that the woman responsible for Ben's death is facing criminal charges.

A kind word, kindly spoken

My Geddy called from Washington, D.C. to tell me goodnight. We talked a bit about his day at the sustainability conference, and he mentioned lunching with a colleague who is vegan. He struck up a conversation with the man, telling him that I do a lot of research on organics and nutrition. He said it impressed the man that we grind wheat to make our bread.

I told Geddy it makes me happy to hear that he tells other people about things I do at home, and he said, "Oh, I tell everybody that!"

Further proof we shouldn't underestimate the power of words.

The check

Today's the day I have to deposit it.

You know how financial advisers harp on life insurance? As in, Mr. Geddy, how would your wife and children be able to make it without your salary if something happened to you, so you need to take out a $1 million policy (so we can make a bundle off the commission, which is the part they don't actually say). But nobody sells a product to fill the gaping hole in your life when someone you love dies.

And now I have this incredibly large check, made out to me, to go toward my children's future education courtesy of Uncle Ben. Or more correctly, courtesy of Uncle Ben's death in a wreck seven months ago. I should be thankful, and I am trying.

But it's hard.

'Cause I'd way rather have my brother.

Geddy says, "If I had the choice between a million dollars and my mom and Ben back, you know which I'd choose. But, B, we don't have that choice."

I know that, in my head where common sense resides. But in my heart, where my brother lives, I still hurt.

And they don't sell a product for that either.

Great news

Gram had a bleeding ulcer, which they found through endoscopy and sealed. She should be going home from the hospital soon!

If you're praying for her, please continue to do so. Because she is elderly, she probably will take awhile to regain her strength. She's tough, so we expect her to be back to her "old" self (sorry, Gram!) in no time.

If you have prayers to spare...

My Gram is 87 and in unusually good health. She has lived alone since the death of my grandfather in 1983, and she is tough and spunky and fun and has always been the greatest of encouragers to me and Geddy.

Gram is in the hospital right now. She has been bleeding from her stomach into her intestines for an undetermined period of time. Her blood count has been low for some time, but they couldn't figure out why until her bowels started bleeding violently Thursday morning and they found the problem with her stomach.

Please, pray that this amazing woman either is healed immediately and completely or that, if God is ready to receive her into His kingdom, her passing is quick and peaceful. Her greatest fear is to become a burden on her family and though I would be devastated to lose her, I hope her fear goes unrealized.

I have loved my Gram. I have called her and visited her and lifted her up, and my children know her well. I have no regrets about our relationship.

But I am NOT giving up on her, not yet!!!

Surprise!

Well, this is gonna be a long postscript to yesterday's anniversary entry.

G and I went to dinner at O'Charley's and then went by the church to pick up a new book for Bible study.

Or so I thought.

We pulled up and I said, "I'll just wait in the car." No, I had to go in with him. *sigh*

I powdered my nose and put on some lipstick, and I was glad I did because when I walked into the auditorium with him, there was a crowd of friends and family waiting to watch a special slide show with us. Genesis' "Follow You Follow Me" accompanied photos from our rehearsal and wedding, and G asked me to marry him again.

Of course, I said yes. And right there, we renewed our vows in a beautiful ceremony.

I have to say I don't usually like surprises. I mean, I don't want to know what I'm getting for Christmas or anything, but surprises usually involve gullible me and some kind of embarrassing practical joke. If G says he's stopping by the church to pick up a book, I assume that's what he's doing.

But this was the loveliest kind of surprise. And further proof -- as if I needed it -- that God has given me a real man, a real husband, a real father for our children. And that in addition to showing us every day how important we are to him by meeting all of our practical needs, he is willing to spend weeks putting together something special just to honor me on our anniversary.

He is a wonderful man and I am proud to be his wife...again.

With a little help from my [friend]

Grocery day wasn't bad at all! I had a meeting at church yesterday evening and went by the market on the way home. I had two tools: A list and a book called To Buy or Not to Buy Organic by Cindy Burke. The book is excellent and I probably will buy it, just for the shopping guide that starts on page 157. I stayed in budget but only because I passed on the $8.99 organic cherries (you should never buy conventionally grown cherries, according to Burke, who has done an insane amount of research).

We pick up Larry from camp tomorrow. We haven't received any news of him despite my equipping him with stamped, pre-addressed postcards. Which means either he misplaced them or is having such a great time he forgot them. I hope it's the latter.

Today is Geddy's and my wedding anniversary. Some of the highlights of our wedding day included:
-- His brother's truck breaking down so he couldn't attend
-- His dad's broken foot
-- Forgetting the rings so that our friend Marianne had to break into his parents' house to retrieve them
-- My forgetting to give out the roses I'd chosen for G's mom, my mom and my Gram
-- The air conditioning going out at my parents' house, where we were changing to leave for our honeymoon in the 90-plus degree heat
-- Almost missing the late check-in at our hotel
-- Our romantic wedding night dinner at Chick-Fil-A

I'm glad to have funny stories about our sweet little wedding. I'm thankful for the church friends who made the food for the reception, for the work friends who had such a vested interest in our relationship and for everyone who supported us then and lift us up now. I am a blessed woman to have found such an incredible person to share my life and I am a better person because he married me.

So, happy 15th anniversary to us, and may the next leg of our journey be as amazing as this one!

Grocery day is looming

I have to go grocery shopping Friday and I don't wanna.

Grocery shopping used to be my favorite thing. I loved using coupons, looking for sales, triumphantly returning from six different stores with free and almost-free items.

And then food allergies took over our life.

And gas prices shot through the roof.

Now, it's all about trying to squeeze organic/local fruits and vegetables, meats, eggs and dairy into a previously tiny grocery budget. The budget had to grow and we're feeling it. Factor in a new commitment to healthier personal care products (see Skin Deep), and we're spending more than ever just to eat and stay clean.

I am so thankful for the blessing of a good salary but I still feel oddly guilty using more of it to buy less health-harming groceries. However, when I see that the combination of allergy immunotherapy and better food/toiletries results in noticeably healthier children, I am determined to continue down this path.

Before the past couple of weeks, I hadn't been seriously ill since 2003. I think it's time I started working on my health as well!

Koombya, Larry

We dropped Larry off for a week of church camp this evening. No one in our family ever has gone, but it seemed like a great chance for Larry to stretch his wings a bit.

When we finished registration and found Larry's cabin, there were his two best friends! They had decided to come at the last minute, so Larry was thrilled. They took off to the pool as soon as we got him settled, and he just sort of waved goodbye. He is going to have such a good time we're probably going to have to pry him off the premises come Friday.

I am feeling a good bit better but still am slightly bewildered at the amount of medication I have to take. It's hard to master the art of taking acid blockers 15-30 minutes before I eat and then remember to take the antibiotics -- three enormous pills -- during my meal. I have three more days of eye drops and 10 more days of H. pylori cocktail, and then I'm back on Prevacid every day -- at least until I have the upper GI done.

But the head and throat pain are gone and that's worth a lot. I'll just be glad to have some energy again.