Shortcuts

Pure self-indulgence, but insomnia currently is cranked to 11 so I'm up for providing my biographer – or eulogist – some tidbits.

1. Not only do I read the ends of books first, I also read movie spoilers. I am afraid I might lose my sight. Or die.

2. In many ways, ADHD is like a super power. But I'd love to experience life without it for one week. For seven days, I would not talk too much or too loudly. I would be on time for everything without calendar reminders or alarms. I would have good spatial awareness and never trip or run into anything, and I would sleep all night. I would not find everyday chores like cleaning the kitchen or laundry intimidating. And I would leave the daily handsful of pills designed to help my brain function "normally" in seven neat little piles on my nightstand.

3. Squish told me she was going to play "The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes at my funeral, and we had a lovely, small, tender moment. Squirt, Squish and Squonk decided I would have made a really good cop -- just like my favorite TV character of all time, the misanthropic Mary Shannon from "In Plain Sight." I may be a defective freak, but I also work harder than hell at being an authentic person. Now I know there are at least three people in the world who have seen me at my worst but still can find something about me to admire.

4. I've long been on the quest for a meek and quiet spirit, but I have come to understand God loves the badasses just as much as the gentle folk. He also is quite fond of defective freaks and people who don't play well with others. But his very favorites, I believe, are those of us who feel like we're always a joke or two behind the rest of the world.

5. I dream about my walk-off moment. I still want to be a rock star, to take that shortcut where some long-hidden, unsuspected talent or act of heroism propels me into folk legend. No eventual becoming of a person of substance, no waiting to be Velveteen Rabbit Real. An outstretched arm, the sure point of an index finger, the perfect crack of a ball exactly on the bat's sweet spot ... no need to watch and wonder. Just turn away as the ball clears the fence exactly where you knew it would, and listen to the doubters pucker up.